[notes] November Mission Trip: Cambodia [blog]

11月5日是飛去柬埔寨的日子，這是繼初中聽說過這國家以來我真正踏上這片地土。出發前幾天忙著按服裝本子購買衣服（旅程中Ada說我的服飾配搭好看！），都是些基本款，但購買了GAP的外套（桶也說好看！）。出發前的兩次briefing，一次我在東京family trip所以錯過了；第二次我去了，卻因為重傷風戴了個口罩，也沒take up敬拜預備的環節，只答應了做營刊（最後turn out是幫了忙忙的Ada一個大忙:P）。營刊做了大半天，發給Temmy了。服裝中特意買的防蚊子的手套也沒用過，因為神讓Ada給我一個比較低調的手套，感謝主的教導和預備。

這是我的第一次短宣，時期是柬埔寨內戰結束後的第三個年頭。重建工作正在進行，當地政府也非常樂意開放自己的國家讓外來的友好國進來協助重建，包括民生工程與教學建設。這，導師說，也是宣教的一個時期，誰在這日子先進來，誰傳的教就發光發亮。

這次旅程我所領悟的甚多，就按回來第二天從歌神婚禮回家途中打給Kelly的電話內容所作的分享做一個簡單回顧好了。神在短宣回應我的禱告，和我說話，並引導我未來的方向。

1. 分享一個經文：“你的話是我腳前的燈，是我路上的光。” (詩一百一十九105) 這句話的重點是“腳前”。神應許的引領不是一道光照亮前面全部的路，而只是前面的一小步。每一步踏出去也是信心，並操練我們對神的依靠。所以鼓起勇氣踏出去，因為神會逐步逐步帶領我們，就想在營會中分享“腳步” (盛曉玫) 這首歌，一步一步都有祝福。

祢的腳步帶著我的腳步，一步一步都有祝福；每個腳步我要緊緊跟隨，走在蒙福的道路。求給我更多的勇氣，給我更多的信心，讓我勇敢踏出跟隨祢的腳步；跟祢行在水面上，跟祢走在曠野地，曲曲折折我也不在乎。我只要更多信靠祢，只要更多順服祢，凡是出於祢的我就默然不語；就算經過黑暗谷，就算遇到暴風雨，在祢手中都將變成祝福。

2. 宣教原來是一項艱鉅的事工，需要用很高的IQ/EQ/RQ/SQ。成為“精英宣教士”必須是個全才。淵博的神學知識，謙卑順服的心（因為腳步與多變造成的巨大壓力），豐富的世界知識（特別是跨文化宣教，在文化認同的過程上知識非常重要），良好的人際關係處理技巧。而在世界知識之中，掌握working language是最重要的一環。因為你不會說當地話，當地人就很難認同你。這對我來說是一個very pleasant surprise。因為對知識的追求是宣教的要求！（我個人本來就很喜歡學習）還有神給我語言的恩賜（體現在公開考試沒複習也能拿到的好成績，和學語言不怕被取笑，以及豐富的聯想記憶能力，和其他許多），這是讓我慚愧的，因為我一直以來埋怨神不給我“有用的恩賜”（這是何等的諷刺——我最需要的他已經給我了！）我決心多發揮這個恩賜，多學習語言，日後能為宣教士當好翻譯，交朋友，宣揚基督的國。

3. 神personify了我禱告中提及的國家！我很徬徨，不知道能去哪裡，要去哪裡，只是想著要出去，也是為了自己，訂下“計劃”要達成移民的目標。現在我覺得很羞愧，這是在實習期間珠山酒店第三天與嘉雯作室友時洗澡後發現的，就是我竟想著用我自己的方法去達成自己的目標，而不是用神的方法——“腳步”精神，把一切交給神。我的目光只放在自己的身上，難怪心裡不會感覺到很蒙福。神讓“澳洲”personify在我的面前（來自澳洲的華人宣教士Jim），讓“加拿大”personify在我的面前（來自加拿大的華人宣教士Muk Muk），讓曾去過英國而夢想去美國的Ada與我相交，並和我分析留學的前路。我可以去許多的地方！神帶我去哪裡我就去哪裡，當一個見證人或者帶職宣教士，目的是為神作工。加拿大可以學習英語與法語，澳洲可以學習英語，英國很難讓人留下來（不過有人也留下來了），德國唸書免費還能學習德語（不過很難），美國學府很難進入但含金量極高，想要世界各地找工作美國學位與澳加的相比是非常值得爭取的（very appealing！）。我聽後打算考GMAT和TOEFL，神帶領我的前路。

4. 原來我在國內（我依然不太會分）一直是做“見證人”，心裡想著很遙遠的是“傳統宣教士”，但其實人人可以做“帶職宣教士”，無論是福音咖啡館或者是教師工程師或其他職業，在宣教有一個專業技能是十分重要的。單憑愛心很難在宣教的道路上走得遠，憑專業技能卻可以。在需要“啟創”的國家，用有創意的方法越過政府的barrier把福音帶進去就憑專業技能了。我要當帶職宣教士！（之後Kelly說她認為自己做不到宣教，我就和她分享了這段信息。原來人人也可以宣教，這也是神對人的心意）

5. 文化中有一個concept叫做high/low context（高/低語境），說話的時候會不會清晰地把意思表達出來，還是含糊其辭，讓別人自己去揣摩。西方一般都是low context，東方比較high context，對於溝通是不同的方法，也不止文化，而是因人而異。嘉雯分享自己比較high context，我也一樣，有效的溝通low context會更有用，所以努力朝low context發展！（我的方法是，不在心裡面小劇場，不多想，而是把第一個想法/思考過程也分享出來，別人就容易follow）

6. 耶穌做了一個事情，是“潔淨聖殿”的故事：

潔淨聖殿（太21．12－13；可11．15－17；路19．45－46）

15 他們來到耶路撒冷。耶穌進入聖殿，趕出殿裡做買賣的人，推倒兌換銀錢之人的桌子和賣鴿子之人的凳子， 16 也不許人拿著器具從殿裡經過。 17 便教訓他們，說：「經上不是記著說『我的殿必稱為萬國禱告的殿』嗎？你們倒使它成為賊窩了！」

萬國禱告的殿，是對應大使命 “19 所以你們要去，使萬民做我的門徒，奉父、子、聖靈的名給他們施洗，20 凡我所吩咐你們的，都教訓他們遵守。我就常與你們同在，直到世界的末了。” 外邦人也有機會聆聽福音！猶太人有內殿禱告，外邦人只有外殿禱告，猶太人卻在外邦人禱告的地方做買賣，更加地加增他們禱告的難處。耶穌因此才這麼生氣，因為他們妨礙了外邦人聽信福音。神在聖經中有許多宣教的信息，宣教是聖經貫穿的核心信息。一些教會也扼殺了外邦人院，或者把它的範圍縮小或者變為沒有，主要來潔淨這樣的教會。我立即想起自己的教會了。悔改，不然神要來潔淨我們的教會！

7. 認識自己是宣教非常重要的一環。我在木牧的組裡，他提醒我們不要以宣教作為逃避家庭/其他問題根源的一個理由，因為宣教的根基必須不打在這樣的原因上。第一天我們做了一個自信心的測驗，第二天我們要與別人分享我們內心的恐懼。人人都分享了，我問為什麼我們需要這樣做，木牧說verbalization是認識自己的恐懼的第一步。當時的我太羞愧所以沒辦法分享，也很著急失望就流淚了。現在我想起前兩年神在除夕晚會要我開始認識自己，我一直提高了這方面的awareness；今天他要我升級，verbalize這些認識。神真的有帶領。後來在馬德里木牧也有對我提出一個什麼概念（我忘了）——主要是在車上暈車加流淚，但神也因此帶領我聽見了Pastor Jo Jo的分享，她當語文老師十年後辭職了；也分享說有個一強健的身體很重要，也要清楚自己的興趣——他經常開導我，安慰我，很感恩短宣的過程中有他。

8. 在恐懼的分享後第二天我突然哭了，哭得很厲害，還去不了吃飯自己在課室中吃了（鄭姑娘給我帶飯，Mandy把薯蓉給我了，她好棒哦。在金邊最後一天同組分享的時候，還有之前第一天上課分的思考型組[還有表達型，驅動型，隨和型] 發現同樣是第5型的Mandy簡直就是我作為宣教士的剪影，於是變得很愛她，她也很驚喜地接受了我對她的喜愛hhh，我對Mandy說“我想要成為像Mandy一樣的宣教士”，還與她抱抱）。龍醫生進來拍拍我的肩，告訴我“很珍重你”。龍師母後來也抱抱我，愛我，並告訴我她女兒正好是做宣教士兒女/牧師兒女/傳道兒女的輔導，告訴我回去可以聯繫她。神真好，這對夫婦真可愛。我決心回香港要見輔導，解決我內心的困難，這樣我才真正為神出去做工，是神在一步步醫治我。

9. 之前上課木牧讓我們看一段文字的翻譯，請人用普通話念出來，我就不害羞的念了，後面阿輝他們說了“好流利”什麼的。我想龍醫生記住了。一次有一個廣州的宣教士恕君來分享，是做社區事工的。龍醫生來讓我最後用普通話為她禱告。我就出去高聲禱告了，感覺Jo Jo是最impress的一個，大家也在吃飯的時候來對我說“你普通話怎麼學的，說得真好”。龍醫生邀請我參加他們週六晚上的一個宣教士聚會，是操練宣教士說普通話的。我受寵若驚，答應了。他們impress的點不在於我好的普通話，而是“不是每一個去國內留學的香港人也能說一口流利的普通話”，所以是背後那一個精神。我很開心，原來我是不一樣的一個。

10. Ada和我分享了她那裡有一個普通話團契，神回應了我的禱告，給我這麼一個這麼好的資源（之前禱告求神給我普通話的團契，國內的朋友就可以參與並認識神）。Ada也分享了泰澤的詩歌和這個機構，並說了一個叫“啟泰”的老先生的心志，一年飛三四遍去探訪宣教士。Ada在看星星時跟我一起躺在馬路上了。最後我們在吳哥窟看日落的時候聊天，她與我分享了她在追求愛情中的苦痛經歷，不知道是不是自己有“獨身的恩賜”；她也說她overcome了以前的經歷，並渴想神賜給她一個更好的男友。我與她分享說，既然把這段過去交給神，不如也把心中的這個期望交給神吧，不期望就不會有失望的痛苦（我也分享了神的全知所以他不會失望），並能對每一個神的安排發出驚嘆，享受其中而不會感到驚恐。她說得著很大。我們在日落中還拉著手做一個禱告。之後我也分享說神如此愛我們，甚至把獨生子賜給我們，叫一切信他的，不只滅亡，反得永生，他就會給我們最好的安排，不願意虧待我們。Ada問我，有沒有人說過我很會安慰別人，雖然一開始覺得我很奇怪，怎麼如此思想並思考一段長度，但現在覺得很受我的話鼓舞，並她也想要背誦神的話，作為力量和分享的源泉。神真奇妙。

11. 因為50-50的規定，我們每次在車上也會想著要跟不同的人一起坐，也確實加深了我們大家的認識和一個團隊的關係。每次我們都坐在後面，把前面的位置留給年長的龍醫生夫婦坐。龍醫生經常轉過來面對我們，一開始我們還想著是不是笑得太大聲吵到他了。在金邊的最後一天他跟我們分享說，感激我們留出來的關愛座，但其實他很想要跟我們坐一起，看我們笑什麼，只是擔心他坐過來我們就不笑了。於是那天他果斷坐後面。還真的有點尷尬。我說“龍醫生，給我們講個笑話吧”，他要我們在他小聲數123的時候大聲笑，讓前面的人看過來，體會他當時的心情。的確很好玩，Jo Jo好奇地看過來了hhh 那天晚上還是龍師母的生日，我們一起在餐廳分了蛋糕，唱了生日歌，不亦樂乎呢。這也是神的奇妙。

12. 大家分享說，一般短宣感情不會這麼好，氣氛也不會這麼融洽，一般都會吵架還有火花，但這次即使是在辯論中也沒有什麼火花hhh（還親愛的弟兄姊妹hhh）說是因為我們在頭一個星期的課程中熟絡了（教會執事Suki、本地同工Nancy、關愛宣教士的Connie、宣教新丁Mandy，資深宣教士龍醫生夫婦，本地華語翻譯好姐，隨行的愛滋事工宣教士Jim，走出陰霾變得很搞笑很愉快的Temmy，溫柔的上水堂鄭姑娘，還有誰我一時想不起來了），還有因為50-50的規定，還有我們本身很配合，兩個活力7型（阿輝、Ada），兩個能力5型（我、阿如、Roger），一個輕鬆9型（領隊木牧），一個指揮3型（嘉雯）... 解決問題的方法就是開效率會議（按照Ada的說法就是沒有人會說廢話，而且大家也很包容沒什麼所謂）和什麼也大笑（主要是Roger很搞笑和Ada對他笑話有感染力的大笑）。這次短宣如若真的這麼不一樣，真的是神的恩典。他給我們許多的宣教資源，讓我從對宣教一竅不通的狀態變成投入路程，真好。（我們還一直在車上歌唱，主的愛真奇妙！）

[writing] On the Construction of a New World [enneagram]

一個明媚的清晨。正當大部分的學生還在家裡做著不用上學的美夢之時，丩班的學生卻已興致勃勃地聚集在教室，打算共同迎接從今天開始的新學期。

“天比設想中黯淡呢，” R來到V的身邊沉聲道。

“嗯，” V微笑著回應。“根據氣象報到，應該能看到，沒問題的。”

“大家，要吃早餐嗎？我帶了許多過來呢。” H從包裡拿出幾個餐盒，大家好奇地圍了過來。

“裡面是什麼啊？” L小聲地問，似乎有點擔心會是一些奇怪的食物。

“蹬蹬～是三明治啊。我還帶了許多巧克力粉呢，可以用杯子冲啊～” H開心地道。

“哇，好豐富！” D和A停止說話，圍了上來。“一如既往地細心呢～” A笑嘻嘻地說。

吃飽以後大家悠然地每人一杯熱巧克力，在教室圍成一個圈。

“嘿，V，有什麼好玩的東西打發時間嗎？學校禁止遊戲用具，只能做討論了呢。” E提議道。

“我想想哦...” V低頭托腮。“對了，來創建一個宇宙吧。”

“創建宇宙，怎麼個建法呢？” C好奇地問道。

“我們現在都是新世界開發小組的成員，每人都有一隊與自己一模一樣的小隊。現在大家閉上眼睛，開始漫遊廣闊的宇宙吧。” H跑去關了燈，大家閉上眼睛，進入無盡的幻想世界。

×××

“看，是個美麗的星球呢！說不好是我們正在不斷尋找的目標呢。” V帶領著說道。

“我看我看！嗚哇，山清水秀的，看上去真不錯。” E開心地和應。

“萬一只是表面和平，內裡住著什麼可怕的東西呢？” L小心地指出。

“我們需要一批人去偵測，誰敢下去？” V問道。

“我不害怕，由我去吧。” C說道。“”

[Notes] The Enneagram Institute [online]

The Nine Enneagram Type

Overview

1 THE REFORMER
The Rational, Idealistic Type: Principled, Purposeful, Self-Controlled, and Perfectionistic

conscientious | ethical | a strong sense of right and wrong

teachers | crusaders | advocates for change

always striving to improve things (but afraid of making a mistake)

Well-organized | orderly | fastidious (concerned about accuracy and detail)

try to maintain high standards (but can slip into being critical and perfectionistic)

problems with resentment | impatience

At their Best: wise | discerning | realistic | noble | morally heroic

Key Motivations: Want to be right | to strive higher and improve everything | to be consistent with their ideals | to justify themselves | to be beyond criticism so as not to be condemned by anyone

(stress) moody | irrational at Four

(growth) spontaneous | joyful like healthy Sevens

a “sense of mission” (to want to improve the world in various ways, using whatever degree of influence they have)

strive after “higher values,” (even at the cost of great personal sacrifice)

left comfortable lives to do something extraordinary (felt that something higher was calling them)

people of practical action (wish to be useful in the best sense of the word)

“have a mission” to fulfill in life (try their best to reduce the disorder they see in their environment)

a strong sense of purpose | have to justify their actions to themselves and others

persuade themselves that they are “head” types =rationalists who proceed only on logic and objective truth (but are actually activists who are searching for an acceptable rationale for what they feel they must do | people of instinct and passion who use convictions and judgments to control and direct themselves and their actions)

resist being affected by instinctual drives | consciously not giving in to them or expressing them too freely | i.e. a personality type that has problems with repression, resistance, and aggression

seen by others as highly self- controlled | rigid (Unable to bend) (but seems to them they had better “keep the lid on their cauldron of passions and desires”)

had no feelings? | felt feelings intensely and yetcouldn’t let them out as intensely as felt (rehearse ahead of time how to express clearly what I want, need, and observe, and yet not be harsh or blaming in my anger which is often scathing)

being strict with themselves (and eventually becoming “perfect”) will justify them in their own eyes and in the eyes of others (but often create their own personal hell instead)

difficult to trust life (so rely heavily on superego, a learned voice from their childhood) | little distinction between them and this severe, unforgiving voice | growth: Separating from it and seeing its genuine strengths and limitations

2 THE HELPER
The Caring, Interpersonal Type: Demonstrative, Generous, People-Pleasing, and Possessive

empathetic | sincere | warm-hearted

friendly | generous | self-sacrificing (but can also be sentimental | flattering | people-pleasing)

well-meaning | driven to be close to others (but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed)

problems with possessiveness | acknowledging their own needs
At their Best: unselfish | altruistic| have unconditional love for others
Key Motivations: Want to be loved | to express their feelings for others | to be needed and appreciated | to get others to respond to them | to vindicate their claims about themselves

(stress) aggressive | dominating at Eight

(growth) self-nurturing | emotionally aware like healthy Fours

the most genuinely helpful to other people (or the most highly invested in seeing themselves as helpful)
generous | going out of their way for others (the richest, most meaningful way to live)
feel: love and concern | do: genuine good (warms their hearts and makes them feel worthwhile)

the “really, really good” things in life: love | closeness | sharing | family | friendship

like being involved in peoples’ lives | like feeling compassionate | caring | nurturing | anyone can tell me anything about themselves and I will be able to love them
loving | helpful | generous | considerate | people drawn to them like bees to honey
the glow of their hearts | their appreciation and attention | see positive qualities in oneself
embodiment of “the good parent”: sees them as they are | understands them with immense compassion | helps and encourages with infinite patience | always willing to lend a hand
an open heart | show us the way to be more deeply and richly human

inner development limited by their “shadow side”: pride | self-deception | tendency to become over-involved in the lives of others | tendency to manipulate others to get their own emotional needs met
see herself in only the most positive, glowing terms (avoid going into dark places in themselves)
biggest obstacle: fear they are without value in themselves | so must do something extraordinary to win love and acceptance from others
false image of being completely generous | unselfish | of not wanting any kind of pay-off (when in fact can have enormous expectations and unacknowledged emotional needs)
obeying their superego’s demands to sacrifice themselves for others (believe they must always put others first | be loving and unselfish if they want to get love: secretly angry | resentful | eventually erupt in various ways | revealing inauthenticity of the depth of their “love”)

3 THE ACHIEVER
The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type: Adaptive, Excelling, Driven, and Image-Conscious

self-assured | attractive | charming

ambitious | competent | energetic | status-conscious | highly driven for advancement

diplomatic (skill of managing international relations) | poised (a composed and self-assured manner) (but can be overly concerned with their image | what others think of them)

problems with workaholism | competitiveness

At their Best: self-accepting | authentic | role models who inspire others

Key Motivations: Want to be affirmed | to distinguish themselves from others | to have attention | to be admired | to impress others

(stress) disengaged | apathetic at Nines

(growth) cooperative | committed to others like healthy Sixes

really can and do achieve great things in the world
the "stars" of human nature | graciousness | personal accomplishments
to develop themselves | contribute their abilities to the world | enjoy motivating others to greater personal achievements than others thought they were capable of
well regarded | popular among peers | people feel they want to be associated with them
embody the best in a culture | others able to see their hopes and dreams mirrored in them

successful | well liked | believe in themselves and in developing their talents and capacities
act as living “role models” (extraordinary embodiment of socially valued qualities)
to be “the best that they can be” (so inspires others to invest in their own self-development)
make sure their lives are a success (have status in community and family | not be a “nobody”)
to perform in ways that will garner them praise | positive attention
to recognize the activities valued by parents or peers | put their energies into excelling in those activities | to cultivate and develop whatever about them is attractive | potentially impressive
most exemplifies this universal human need of attention | encouragement | affirmation of one's value
without increased attention and feeling of accomplishment, fear to have no value

become so alienated from themselves that no longer know what truly want or real feelings or interests
easy prey to self-deception | deceit | falseness of all kinds
search for a way to be of value increasingly (takes them further away from their own Essential Self with its core of real value)
dependent on receiving attention from others | in pursuing the values that others reward (their “heart’s desire” is left behind until can no longer recognize)
people of action and achievement (“put their feelings in a box”: substitute thinking and practical action for feelings)
when realize to what extent they have adapted their lives to the expectations of others (simply did not know what they want, so must, in effect, be someone else to be accepted)
the attention received by performing in a certain way was their oxygen, and they needed it to breathe (a high price: a two-edged sword | wanted to be noticed and approved | the burden and pressure)

4 THE INDIVIDUALIST
The Sensitive, Withdrawn Type: Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental

self-aware | sensitive | reserved

emotionally honest | creative | personal (but can also be moody | self-conscious)

Withholding themselves from others (due to feeling vulnerable | defective), feel disdainful | exempt from ordinary ways of living

problems with melancholy | self-indulgence | self-pity

At their Best: inspired and highly creative | able to renew themselves | transform their experiences

Key Motivations: Want to express themselves and their individuality | to create and surround themselves with beauty | to maintain certain moods and feelings | to withdraw to protect their self-image | to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else | to attract a "rescuer"

(stress) over-involved | clinging at Two

(growth) objective | principled like healthy Ones

maintain their identity (by seeing themselves as fundamentally different from others)
feel unlike other human beings (so no one can understand them | love them adequately)
see themselves as uniquely talented | possessing special | one-of-a-kind gifts (also uniquely disadvantaged | flawed)
acutely aware of | focused on their personal differences | deficiencies

honest with themselves (own all of their feelings | can look at motives | contradictions | emotional conflicts without denying or whitewashing | not try to rationalize states | hide them | willing to reveal highly personal | potentially shameful things about themselves: so can discover who they are and how they feel) so endure suffering with a quiet strength | familiarity with own darker nature (easier to process painful experiences)
have difficulty identifying exactly what they feel missing something in themselves (actually unsure about aspects of self-image: their personality | ego-structure itself) lack a clear and stable identity (a social persona that they feel comfortable with) | feel different from others | not want to be alone | socially awkward | self-conscious (but deeply wish to connect with people who understand them | their feelings) | long for someone to appreciate the secret self (privately nurtured | hidden from the world) (if no begin to build their identity around how unlike everyone else they are)
an insistent individualist (everything must be done in her own way)

problems with a negative self-image | chronically low self-esteem
cultivating an idealized self-image (built up primarily in their imaginations | fell far short of fantasized self-image | actual abilities became sources of shame | try several different identities (based on styles | preferences | qualities find attractive in others | feel uncertain about who they really are)
base identity largely on feelings | a kaleidoscopic, ever-shifting pattern of emotional reactions
accurately perceive a truth about human nature: dynamic | ever changing
want to create a stable | reliable identity from emotions | hold on to specific moods and express others
biggest challenges: learning to let go of feelings from the past | hold onto negative feelings about those who have hurt them | unable to recognize the many treasures in their lives
My longings can never become fulfilled (attached to ‘the longing’ | not to any specific end result)
believe there is something fundamentally wrong with them | cannot allow to enjoy good qualities (fear to lose sense of identity (as a suffering victim) | to be without a relatively consistent persona)
grow: old feelings begin to fall away (it is irrelevant to who they are right now)


5 THE INVESTIGATOR
The Intense, Cerebral Type: Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, and Isolated

alert | insightful | curious

able to concentrate | focus on developing complex ideas | skills

Independent | innovative | inventive (can become preoccupied with thoughts | imaginary constructs)

detached | high-strung | intense

problems with eccentricity | nihilism | isolation

At their Best: visionary pioneers | often ahead of their time | able to see the world in an entirely new way

Key Motivations: Want to possess knowledge | to understand the environment | to have everything figured out as a way of defending the self from threats from the environment

(stress) hyperactive | scattered at Seven

(growth) self-confident | decisive like healthy Eights

want to find out why things are the way they are | to understand how the world works | always searching | asking questions | delving into things in depth (do not accept received opinions | doctrines, feeling a strong need to test the truth of most assumptions for themselves)
always needing to learn | to take in information about the world | have an understanding of life (difficult to learn that life must be lived and not just studied)
feel do not have an ability to do things as well as others (“take a step back” into their minds where they feel more capable | the safety of their minds | one day rejoin the world)
spend a lot of time observing | contemplating: internalize knowledge | gain a feeling of self-confidence | stumble across exciting new information | make new creative combinations (get verification of observations | hypotheses: confirmation of competency)

knowledge | understanding | insight | identity built around “having ideas” | being someone who has something unusual | insightful to say (attention drawn to the “unthinkable”: knowing something that others do not)
need to have at least one area in which have a degree of expertise (feel capable and connected with the world) develop an intense focus on whatever they can master | feel secure about (depending on intelligence | resources available: focus intensely on mastering something that has captured interest)
do not depend on social validation (if others agree too readily | tend to fear ideas too conventional)
lost in byzantine complexities of own thought processes (merely eccentric | socially isolated)

remarkable discoveries | innovations (focus of attention unwittingly serves to distract them from most pressing practical problems | tend not to deal with these issues | find something else to do that will make them feel more competent | so no matter what degree of mastery develop in area of expertise, cannot solve their more basic insecurities about functioning in the world)
dealing directly with physical matters: feel extremely daunting
always had a very active mental life ("collecting" | developing ideas | skills believe will make feel confident | prepared | want retain everything learned | “carry it around in heads”
problem: while engrossed in this process, not interacting with others | increasing many other practical | social skills | devote more and more time to collecting and attending to their collections but not anything related to real needs)
challenge: to understand that they can pursue whatever questions | problems spark their imaginations AND maintain relationships | take proper care of themselves | do all of the things that are the hallmarks of a healthy life

6 THE LOYALIST
The Committed, Security-Oriented Type: Engaging, Responsible, Anxious, and Suspicious

reliable | hard-working | responsible | trustworthy

Excellent "troubleshooters" | foresee problems | foster cooperation (but can become defensive | evasive | anxious: running on stress while complaining about it)

cautious | indecisive (but also reactive | defiant | rebellious)

problems with self-doubt | suspicion

At their Best: internally stable and self-reliant | courageously championing themselves and others

Key Motivations: Want to have security, to feel supported by others, to have certitude and reassurance, to test the attitudes of others toward them, to fight against anxiety and insecurity.

(stress) competitive | arrogant at Three

(growth) relaxed | optimistic like healthy Nine

the most loyal to friends and beliefs (will “go down with the ship” | hang on to relationships of all kinds)
loyal to ideas | systems | beliefs (may be rebellious | anti-authoritarian, even revolutionary)
fight for beliefs more fiercely than fight for themselves (defend community or family more tenaciously than defend themselves)
a failure of self-confidence: believe do not possess the internal resources to handle life’s challenges | vagaries alone (so increasingly rely on structures | allies | beliefs | supports outside themselves | If suitable structures do not exist, will help create and maintain them)
have the most trouble contacting own inner guidance | not have confidence in own minds and judgments (think | worry a lot | fear making important decisions | resist having anyone else make decisions for them | avoid being controlled | afraid of taking responsibility)
always aware of anxieties | always looking for ways to construct “social security” bulwarks (defensive wall) against them (if feel have sufficient back up, can move forward with some degree of confidence; if crumbles, become anxious and self-doubting
“What is security?” (constantly struggling to find firm ground)
attempt to build a network of trust over a background of unsteadiness and fear | often filled with a nameless anxiety | try to find or create reasons why (can become attached to explanations or positions that seem to explain their situation)
“belief” (trust, faith, convictions, positions) is difficult (but so important to sense of stability, once they establish a trustworthy belief do not easily question it, nor want others to do so)

once feel trust someone, go to great lengths to maintain connections with the person | do everything in their power to keep their affiliations going
have to get the nod of approval from several ‘authorities’ | nearly every decision would involve a council of friends (like a ping-pong ball constantly shuttling back and forth between whatever influence is hitting the hardest in any given moment) (so both strong and weak | fearful and courageous | trusting and distrusting | defenders and provokers | aggressive and passive | believers and doubters | tender and mean: the contradictory picture | a bundle of opposites

problem: try to build safety in the environment without resolving own emotional insecurities (understand that the world is always changing and is by nature uncertain, can be serene and courageous in any circumstance | can attain a sense of peace with themselves)

7 THE ENTHUSIAST
The Busy, Fun-Loving Type: Spontaneous, Versatile, Distractible, and Scattered

extroverted | optimistic | versatile (adapted to many different activities) | spontaneous

Playful | high-spirited | practical (can also misapply many talents | becoming over-extended | scattered | undisciplined)

constantly seek new and exciting experiences (but can become distracted | exhausted by staying on the go)

problems with impatience | impulsiveness

At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals | becoming appreciative | joyous | satisfied

Key Motivations: Want to maintain their freedom and happiness | to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences | to keep themselves excited and occupied | to avoid and discharge pain.

(stress) perfectionistic | critical at One

(growth) focused | fascinated by life like healthy Fives

enthusiastic about almost everything that catches attention (approach life with curiosity | optimism | a sense of adventure | rapt anticipation of all the good things about to experience)
bold | vivacious | pursuing what they want in life with a cheerful determination
tend to be extremely practical | engaged in a multitude of projects at any given time (thinking is anticipatory (felt in anticipation of something): foresee events and generate ideas “on the fly”
not necessarily intellectual or studious (often intelligent | can be widely read and highly verbal | minds move rapidly from one idea to the next | gifted at brainstorming | synthesizing information) exhilarated by the rush of ideas | by the pleasure of being spontaneous

a list person | have a great memory | down-loading information so that mind won’t spin on it
frequently endowed with quick, agile minds | be exceptionally fast learners
able to absorb information (language, facts, and procedures) and their ability to learn new manual skills: tend to have excellent mind-body coordination | manual dexterity
wide-ranging curiosity | ability to learn quickly | able to pick up many different skills with relative ease | do not always value their abilities
versatility | curiosity | ability to learn can lead to extraordinary achievement
do not feel that they know what to do or how to make choices that will be beneficial to themselves and others (try to keep minds busy all of the time | compelled to stay on the go, moving from one experience to the next, searching for more stimulation | enjoy being practical and getting things done: highly, highly productive | joyful and mind running at its best) (using the “trial and error” method: try everything to make sure know what is best | scrambling after exciting experiences, the real object of heart’s desire so deeply buried in unconscious that never really aware of precisely what it is)
speed up their pursuit of whatever seems to offer freedom and satisfaction (so tend to make worse choices | less able to be satisfied because everything is experienced indirectly through their fast-paced mental activity | end up anxious | frustrated | enraged | end up ruining health | relationships | finances in search for happiness: I messed up and have done a lot already)

extremely optimistic people: exuberant | upbeat
endowed with abundant vitality | a desire to fully participate in their lives each day
naturally cheerful | good humored | not taking themselves too seriously, or anything else (joy and enthusiasm for life naturally affect everyone around | remind us of the pure pleasure of existence)

8 THE CHALLENGER
The Powerful, Dominating Type: Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational

self-confident | strong | assertive

Protective | resourceful | straight-talking | decisive (can also be ego-centric | domineering)

feel they must control environment, especially people (sometimes become confrontational | intimidating)

problems with their tempers | with allowing themselves to be vulnerable

At their Best: self- mastering | they use their strength to improve others' lives | becoming heroic | magnanimous | inspiring

Key Motivations: Want to be self-reliant | to prove their strength and resist weakness | to be important in their world | to dominate the environment | to stay in control of their situation

(stress) secretive | fearful at Five

(growth) open-hearted | caring like healthy Twos

enjoy taking on challenges themselves | giving others opportunities that challenge them to exceed themselves
charismatic | have the physical and psychological capacities to persuade others to follow them into all kinds of endeavors
have enormous willpower | vitality | feel most alive when exercising these capacities in the world
use their abundant energy to effect changes in their environment (also to keep the environment, and especially other people, from hurting them and those they care about)
understand that this requires strength | will | persistence | endurance (qualities that they develop in themselves and which they look for in others: learned to master my weaker side early on)

do not want to be controlled | to allow others to have power over (psychological | sexual | social | financial | making sure retain and increase whatever power they have for as long as possible: being “in charge” and leaving their imprint on their sphere)
stand alone | independent | resist being indebted to anyone | refuse to “give in” to social convention | can defy fear | shame | concern about the consequences of actions
usually aware of what people think of them | do not let the opinions of others sway them (go about business with a steely determination that can be awe inspiring, even intimidating to others)
fear physical harm | being disempowered or controlled in some way
extraordinarily tough | can absorb a great deal of physical punishment without complaint | take health and stamina for granted and overlook the health and well-being of others (desperately afraid of being hurt emotionally | will use their physical strength to protect feelings | keep others at a safe emotional distance | layer of emotional armor) losing emotional contact with many of the people in their lives | feel misunderstood and may distance further | often feel hurt and rejected (seldom talk about because they have trouble admitting their vulnerability to themselves, let alone to anyone else)
attempt to defend themselves by rejecting others first | blocked in their ability to connect with people | to love (since love gives the other power over them)
build up egos to protect themselves: sensitive to any real or imaginary slight to their self-respect | authority | preeminence (attempt to make impervious to hurt or pain | become hardened and rock-like)

a resourceful, “can-do” attitude | a steady inner drive
take the initiative | make things happen with a great passion for life
honorable | authoritative: natural leaders (who have a solid, commanding presence)
groundedness (abundant “common sense” as well as the ability to be decisive)
knowing that any decision cannot please everyone (want to look after the interests of the people in their charge without playing favorites | use talents and fortitude to construct a better world for everyone in their lives)


9 THE PEACEMAKER
The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type: Receptive, Reassuring, Agreeable, and Complacent

accepting | trusting | stable
usually creative | optimistic | supportive (can be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace)
want everything to go smoothly | be without conflict (tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting)
problems with inertia | stubbornness
At their Best: indomitable | all-embracing | they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts
Key Motivations: Want to create harmony in their environment | to avoid conflicts and tension | to preserve things as they are | to resist whatever would upset or disturb them

(stress) anxious | worried at Six

(growth) self-developing | energetic like healthy Threes

devoted to the quest for internal | external peace for themselves and others
“spiritual seekers” (have a great yearning for connection with the cosmos as well as people)
work to maintain their peace of mind | establish peace and harmony in their world
oriented to the spiritual world (potentially most grounded in the physical world and in their own bodies: either have tremendous elemental power and personal magnetism OR disengaged and remote, even lightweight)
retreat into minds and emotional fantasies (damming up own power so that everything in psyches becomes static and inert | becomes so full that its own weight dams up the springs that feed it | carrying everything along with it effortlessly)
the crown: can have the strength of Eights | the sense of fun and adventure of Sevens | the dutifulness of Sixes | the intellectualism of Fives | the creativity of Fours | the attractiveness of Threes | the generosity of Twos | the idealism of Ones (do not have a strong sense of their own identity: a separate self | an individual who must assert herself against others | rather melt into someone else | quietly follow idyllic daydreams)

the universal temptation to ignore the disturbing aspects of life | to seek some degree of peace and comfort by attempting to live in a state of premature peacefulness (a state of false spiritual attainment | gross denial | run away from the paradoxes and tensions of life | find simple and painless solutions to problems)
emphasize the pleasant in life: a limited and limiting approach to life
see the silver lining in every cloud as a way of protecting themselves from the cold and rain
tend to focus on the “bright side of life” (so peace of mind will not be shaken)
must understand all of the perspectives presented by the other types are true too | must resist the urge to escape into the “white light” of the Divine | must remember that “the only way out is through”

Compatibility with Other Types

1 THE REFORMER
The Rational, Idealistic Type: Principled, Purposeful, Self-Controlled, and Perfectionistic

H (complementary | both offer the other the example of own qualities)

often unusually mature and independent | able to obtain their emotional needs from a variety of people and connections, including their professional ones. They bring high ideals | strong ethical standards | the desire to serve others to the relationship itself, keeping the relationship strong | in touch with solid values | practical perspectives.

H bring the nurturing | feelings that R do not easily allow themselves: help R soften | relax

R bring integrity | conscientiousness | responsibility | consistency. They are steady | reliable | truthful.

R commit strongly which makes H feel secure (that they won't be abandoned).

H bring warmth | a concern with people | a willingness to make exceptions to the rule for individuals in need.

They are aware of suffering | work hard and generously to alleviate it wherever they can.

H are more convivial | welcoming than R and can warm up R's more typically reserved exterior—which most R are glad to have happen.

they tend not to be very aware of their own needs or able to express them easily.
R: life is serious business (work must always come before play | the lower impulses of the self must be held tightly in check).
H: must take care of everyone else's needs before allowed to have needs themselves.

life: serving others | making themselves useful (others will need them and want them in their lives)
both R and H, therefore, find it difficult to talk about what they are actually feeling | what is actually going on in the relationship | what they actually want.
often ulterior motives | unstated agendas (no one able to admit that they are not getting what they want—much less that they might not be happy or fulfilled; getting what they want feels selfish and forbidden)
R begin to feel disappointed by H's tendency to give so much of themselves to others | to be so unregulated regarding time and attention | H seem to R to be everywhere else serving on yet another committee or charitable group but in the home or at their job, (unable to) fulfilling their primary responsibilities.
H see R as too impersonal and unconcerned with others, not sympathetic | charitable enough. H begin to be disappointed in the reality of R's idealism, thinking that R may love humanity but have little real compassion for real people.

R can be uncomfortable with H's effusiveness | need for contact;
H can be uncomfortable with R's sarcasm | irritability.
will simmer with anger that will slowly but inexorably, lead to escalating arguments.
can begin to become condemnatory and critical of the other as the relationship drifts apart.

A (highly task-oriented | both competent | serious minded | idealistic)

both driven to hard work and to be intensely aware when, individually and collectively, they are not measuring up to their own expectations and high standards. 

both can bring selflessness | self-discipline | good work habits | the ability to put aside their personal feelings for the sake of the objective good that needs to be done. 

both are used to working so hard that they often succeed | garnering admiration from those around them | attaining places of leadership and responsibility. 

can be dazzlingly accomplished | high energy | extraordinarily competent | impressive both individually and collectively (strive after excellence | as an ideal | as something to personally embody) 

Sometimes succeed so well (virtually glows with self-confidence | the thrill of their own talents) strive to make each other proud of them, someone the other can look up to | show off to his or her friends and family. 

enjoy planning and organizing their lives | dividing up responsibilities after seeing who is objectively better at which tasks (thrive on respect | give each other personal space)

mixed: produces a powerful coalition (capable of dealing both with ideals and with practical matters) try to solve problems in the relationship by discussing the issues involved since neither likes emotionally charged bickering | unresolved issues.

R help A to be more grounded and realistic; A help R stretch themselves and not be so perfectionistic. both industrious | persistent | efficient | concerned with excellence | making a real difference in the world.

trouble: time commitments | lack of emotional attachment to each other | a creeping sense of competition

R tend to find A too workaholic | pragmatic | too concerned with image and with their reputations rather than with principle

R can see A as tending to cut corners in ethical matters | willing to exaggerate or fudge the truth in order to achieve whatever they are after

R can become critical of A if they change their goals pragmatically | dropping efforts | switching positions when something does not work for them

R may also have issues with A attempting to reinterpret ethical questions | with not owning up to their personal behavior (including their behavior regarding fidelity in the relationship itself)

A tend to find R too rigid | judgmental in their attitudes | inflexible in various areas

A generally value R's organizational ability | ability get things done, A can also feel that R are too narrow-minded | methodical | too perfectionistic | focused on details rather than results

A may have issues with R about feeling they are being stifled | judged both for their attitudes | for their actions

A thrive on praise, but stressed R are unable to give any credit to themselves, much less to anyone else

A see R's critiques of them as nitpicking | time wasting.

A start avoiding R, triggering R's abandonment issues—and more anger and criticism

gradually lose respect for the other: R losing respect for A's integrity, and A losing respect for R's effectiveness

if both find the relationship useful, it can endure as a professional marriage without much passion (but because it is useful to both parties for their continued professional success and personal status)

D (mixing oil and water | they see things from the opposite points of view)

an intense mutual interest to bring something good and beautiful into the world

idealistic | concerned with getting it right in their work and self-expressions

see how things could be | how a project could become an expression of an ideal form (if all went well)

something universal and transcendent could result in their work and in their relationship itself

R bring a desire for objectivity | truth | value | reason to the relationship

offer self-discipline | good work habits | regularity to the relationship

R are conscientious | will sublimate themselves and their personal needs for the greater good, including the shared vision and goals that they feel are at the core of the relationship itself.

R can act as valuable sounding boards for D, offering advice | wisdom when D get confused by the multitude of their feelings | their self-doubts

D bring creativity | intense feelings | sensuality | spontaneity | inspiration | the ability to tap into dreams, the unconscious, and other universal forces.

D's expressiveness | emotionality can be a welcome counterbalance to the R's typical formality | sense of order and reason.

D give R permission to explore and express the full range of R's feelings and passions

R help D actualize their dreams (by supporting creativity with healthy self-discipline and appropriate structure)

R bring self-restraint to the relationship, which may act as a model for D, who tend to be more unregulated

both have a taste for refinement | beauty | a cultivation of the arts (if both appreciate what the other offers, they can make a long lasting, productive team that helps balance the limitations of the other while bringing out qualities that each lacks—one of the primary functions of all good relationships)

sometimes like mixing oil and water: they tend to separate quickly because they see things from the opposite points of view

R think that they are almost always being sensible and objective, while D do not try to be "objective"—they want to see things from the subjective, personal side

While both bring a kind of idealism to the relationship, it is usually idealism applied to different things

R will be idealistic about social causes | morality | politics | global issues, while Fours are idealistic, even perfectionistic, about aspects of their personal lives—their lifestyle | mate | choice of work

can reinforce each other's sense of superiority, leading to elitism and snobbery toward others

can become disdainful and condescending toward those who have less breeding, taste, or sense of refinement—and the habit of being disappointed in others can be turned against each other as well.

ironically highly aware of their impulses | sensuality | longings | frustrations, but they both attempt to handle these issues in diametrically different ways

conflict: self-discipline versus self-indulgence, between personal and emotional impulses either being acted out (D) or being suppressed (R)

R can begin to see D as hopelessly emotional | self-absorbed | self-indulgent, while D can begin to see R as insufferably rigid | judgmental | cold

D can become as angry | critical | intolerant | self-righteous as low-functioning R, and R can become as melancholy | self-pitying | alienated | depressed as low-functioning D

both may end by being disaffected with each other for being the way they are: they are not an imagined ideal. Both can be unforgiving | keeping scores | remembering long-past hurts

The relationship can deteriorate into bitter frustration with each other and end as the result of rancorous arguments.

V (quiet affectionate appreciation | they see things from the opposite points of view)

alike in many ways, particularly in their reticence (reserve) to show their emotions directly | in their identification with their minds

see themselves as fact-oriented | although V are more purely mental while R like their ideas and philosophies to have practical ramifications

bring to their relationship a desire to be objective; they both want to avoid falling into sentimentality, or to allow their feelings to cloud their mental clarity

share a rich mental life of intellectual stimulation | curiosity | a multiplicity of mutual interests

often enjoy each other's company | intellectual stimulation | loving to debate | admiring the intelligence and expertise exhibited by the other

Unexpectedly, they tickle each other's funny bone—this pair loves to laugh together at life's absurdities. Child rearing, traveling, building a house, shared hobbies, or other complex activities are mutually stimulating and bonding for them.

They both are highly respectful of personal boundaries, rarely being the one to make the first move in anything regarding intimacy unless they have pretty strong signals from the other that they would be welcomed

tend to bring a certain formality | courtesy to each other that can be charmingly courtly and old-fashioned

R add to this a concern with logic and order | systematic thinking | attention to details | the desire to improve the world around them

V bring curiosity | the willingness to be intellectually (and sexually) adventuresome | a taste for the bizarre and illogical | the ability to relish disorder | chaos | lack of apparent meaning

quiet affectionate appreciation in this pairing. If romance develops, it develops slowly but deeply

opposites in important areas of intellect, and this can lead to conflicts and the eventual breakdown of their relationship

R tend to believe in the objectivity of certain truths | believe that once these are known, there is the possibility of arriving at objective certitude (absolute certainty)

R feel that their ideals and philosophy have given them contact with some form of ultimate Truth (therefore they are living from a viewpoint in which acquiring certainty is a moral imperative)

V feel that there is no such thing as objective truth | merely possible interpretations for what seems to be objective reality. We may come to some degree of consensus, but that does not necessarily mean that our consensus reflects anything completely objective. It just means that we choose to think the same way. V are thus skeptics and debunkers of certitude

love to debate and deflate ironclad philosophies and self-righteously held positions wherever they find them. Thus, less healthy Ones can drift into various forms of fundamentalism, believing that they hold the key to truth, while Fives can become provocative nihilists (life is meaningless), believing that there is no truth.

very difficult to change their basic philosophies of life—and they both find it difficult to respect anyone who believes the opposite of them

both can respect the other's boundaries to a fault, not wanting to impose their own beliefs on the other

become cool and distant | impersonal and analytic | tinged with resignation | cynicism

R can feel that V are too impractical | endlessly concerned with irrelevancies

V can feel that R are too serious | rigid | they take their opinions far too seriously

can become too self-contained | evolving their lives in separate spheres-perhaps only getting together for occasional meals | sleep | solve pressing problems

Coldness | isolation take over and may last for years, without either of them realizing it very clearly much less feeling that either of them can do very much about it